Hello, friend.
Welcome to Moral Pleasure, a rough guide to healthy and ethical living.
The pursuit of a greener life is an alarming and deeply boring prospect to most people. That's why I'm here to slide it into you gently.
The Roman Catholic Church preaches the concept of Original Sin, the belief that we are all born guilty: an unfortunate consequence of Adam and Eve's attempts to source locally grown fruit and veg within the garden of Eden. Whilst the story of Adam and Eve has since been dismissed by scientists as 'beside the point', Moral Pleasure recognises that all Western children are born into a life of sickening ethical transgression. We eat meat hacked from the faces of furry animals, we drive cars which belch out radioactive fumes, we defecate and micturate from Concorde jets onto the heads of Saharan peasants, we are former Mirror editor Piers Morgan - to name but a few hideous examples. It's enough to make you spear your own throat with a javelin.
I used to be just like you: millions of pounds, a massive house in Islington, a sports car, silk pyjamas, and a string of nubile Hungarian mistresses. But one night whilst Magdolna and I were enjoying a post-coital episode of The Wire, I read the label of an Innocent Smoothie and my eyes were opened. I turned my life inside out: now I've still got the money, house, pyjamas and mistresses, but I bought a Toyota Prius and a couple of 'I'm not a plastic bag' bags.
Never fear, you too can be like me. Moral Pleasure is going to show you how to colour your world green. Our team of experts are ready to scrutinise every minute aspect of your life and tell you at least seven things that are morally repugnant about them. From there, we'll explain how to ensure a ruthlessly ethical doctrine informs every last cranny of your stinking life. With supreme focus and great flexibility, you too can be morally pleasuring yourself around the clock.
Bring the pain!
"Dr" Gerald Shipman
No comments:
Post a Comment